The Day the Earth Stood Still

The scene ... mass hysteria across the country. Panic, tears, outright devastation.
The date ... October 11, 2011, ongoing as of the publication of this blog entry.
The place ... Lebanon, oh and the entire Middle East, Africa and Europe.
The event ... GLOBAL ... BLACKBERRY ... WIPE OUT! Oh mah Gad.

So, yes, yesterday Research In Motion declared that there is widespread service disruption around the world because of a problem that they still haven't fixed. It's been 48 hours. I mean it's bad, people, really, really bad. And I'm not even that addicted to my BB, I mean, well, compared to other people that have serious withdrawal issues (*cough* Miss HotStuff *cough*). Okay, so maybe, maybe, I am just slightly attached to my phone. Maybe. Just a little. Here's how I've been coping so far.

Yesterday started out normal enough. I got up at *bleeeeep* o'clock, reached for my trusted companion, my BB, to check who loved me. NO ONE! How could this be? Not a single message, not a single email, not a single anything? What has the world come to? Feeling completely dejected, rejected and more than a little discombobulated, I decided I was tough enough to go about my day normally despite the fact that I was gettin' no BB love. I can do this, I can do this, I don't really need my BB. This will not really affect me. 

By lunchtime, I checked my BB for the umpteenth time to see if the problem had been resolved. I saw line after line of BBM message with a naked check mark on the side - no little 'D' or 'R' to indicate any of my messages had been delivered or were read. I tried calling the phone company for the third time only to get the automated operator saying all lines were busy and to try again later. I was so frustrated and angry I picked up my phone and threw it (like a girl). This is outrageous, I should send one of my notorious angry emails to RIM and give them a piece of my mind.

After a while, I calmed down a little bit and regretted throwing my phone. Unless, I thought, the drop triggered something that miraculously made it work again. Nope. Still not working. I delicately picked up my BB in the cupped palms of my hands and willed it to work ... with my mind. Nothing. Then I resorted to prayer. Oh, please tech gods of RIM, put your thinking caps on and FIX THE PROBLEM and I will never complain about your crappy service again! Zilch.

By late afternoon I was inconsolable and thinking the unthinkable: switching to an iPhone. It was like being stuck in an episode of Terra Nova - without BB, the earth was no great place to live. The only salvation for humanity has to be travelling 80 million years back in time. Oh wait, do they have cell phone service over there? And what about the man eating dinosaurs? Hmmmm, okay, so maybe that's not such a good idea. I was back to square one. Oh sigh, this is what heartbreak must feel like.

At nighttime, I had no choice but to accept the fact that I may be BBless for a while. I resigned myself to the reality of the situation and was determined, more than ever, to get through this rough patch like a champ. No BB outage will bring me down. I am stronger than that. I will prevail!! 


I ... oh wait ... is that a beep I hear? Could it be ... YESSSSSS, a BBM! Oh my god, this is great. This is wonderful. This is the best day everrrr! There is a god! Crisis averted. All's well with ... oh crap. What the he...?? Just an SMS? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Love, Actually

Happy New Year, everyone! I've been on holiday for the past three weeks, so that explains the long break in blog entries, but now I'm back - better than ever (not). And as another year has passed by, I thought I'd give a brief rundown of this blog's most popular co-stars to date.

Pixie Minxie
The last time we caught up with this golden mane babe, she was fresh off one of the worst blind dates in blind date history. Well, you'll all be happy to know that one of those blind dates actually paid off - believe it or not! - and Pixie Minxie is now engaged to none other than Blizzard Jogger, a newly inducted addition to this blog! Yes, it was a match made in blind date heaven - as I've said before, stranger things have happened. I'd like to say akbal me having the same happy fate, but we all know my luck with blind dates, so that ain't ever gonna happen! Congrats Pixie and BJog!

Miss HotStuff
So hot that most men do her bidding with the single bat of one eye, Miss HotStuff  had a love affair so intense this past holiday season, we all thought her heart would break when the love of her life suddenly walked out on her. Significant others can be so brutish that way! It all started one cold winter's day, when traveling abroad she noticed that her - gulp - BlackBerry was not working and she could not - gulp, gulp - BBM her friends back home. Heartbroken is actually not the word. Devastated, inconsolable, distraught ... perhaps are more accurate descriptions of her state of mind. But don't fret, dear readers, you'll be relieved to know that after hours and hours of calls to the phone company, her disastrous state of affairs was finally repaired. Her dear love was back in her eagerly awaiting arms and all was right with the world once again.

Mr HJNTIY
Who knows whether or not this dude is still obsessing over barely legal debutants who he'd rather describe as 'sisters' rather than love interests. At a recent outing, he emphatically stressed that he was a changed man - perhaps transformed through a New Year's resolution? Yes, he no longer sets an age limit of 25 or less for the women he dates. Now hold on ladies, those of you waiting with bated breath should also hear the clause to this so-called change of heart in his lifestyle. He's okay with women who are older than 25 as long as they look 25. Such revelations give me so much faith in the core values of the opposite sex!

MadGlam
Oh, the lifestyles of the madly glamorous were equally void of passionate romance this past holiday, but that didn't stop our heroine MadGlam from capturing the hearts of her many admirers. Unfortunately, she did not find her one true love in her stocking come Christmas Day. Hmmm, could it be that Santa caught glimpse of a naughty side none of us knew about? Perhaps old St. Nick thought her shopping spree with suitcases a bit much? Or perhaps he was offended when 'Sweet Emotion' came on the radio and she said, 'Oh, I know who sings this song ... uhm, Bono.' You mean U2, thought Santa, listening in all the way from the North Pole. 'No, no, it's the that group, I don't know their name, with Mick Jagger,' she said, thinking she was correcting herself. No, it's not the Rolling Stones either, mused Santa from atop his sled. 'Now I've got it, it's Guns N' Roses!' she said all excitedly. IT'S AEROSMITH, AEROSMITH, Rudolph screamed after he just couldn't take it anymore, nose flaring even more red than usual in frustration.

Mr US
Now here's some tantalizing tale from the dark side! Mr US recently met SHB, an acronym I shall not spell out for you, but let's just say the chick deserves the name COMPLETELY. Imagine, she thought she could play two men - friends at that - at the same time without the brain power to think that maybe, just maybe in a town as small as Beirut one of the dudes might catch wind of it. After going all Fatal Attraction on Mr US - yes, she even admitted to going to his home while he wasn't there and peeking in the windows... so CREEPY - he gave her the benefit of the doubt despite my warnings that he was going to soon find bunny rabbits boiling in a pot in his kitchen. After a while, he realized that SHB was playing the same game with his friend, and even after she found out that Mr US learned of her shenanigans, she still had the gall to contact him again! Move over Glenn Close, you've got competition, and boy is she nasty!

I'm One Of Yous Now!

Forgive me readers, for I have sinned. It has been over two weeks since my last blog entry - a grave offense in the blogosphere! What can I say? I had a really packed and busy two weeks. I was drained - all creativity sapped from my psyche. But now my batteries have been recharged and I'm back! Okay, so without further ado, let's get to this week's entry ...

Last week, in the midst of one of my most stressful deadlines of all time, my phone decided to die on me. A little over a year old, I was surprised that the thing didn't last longer. And the timing, the timing!! Anyway, I could not be without a phone so I decided to go the next day and get a new one. I have for the longest time been refusing to join the CrackBerry world, but in my weakened, vulnerable state, I succumbed to peer pressure. Miss HotStuff and Mr. US have one, not to my mention MFFF and Mr. B, all of whom have been telling me, 'You gotta get a BlackBerry.' And so I did - I know, bakeer, right?

Since everyone and their mother has one, it's not like the BlackBerry world is exclusive or anything, but it sure is fun! My favorite thing so far? As a self-proclaimed MSN addict it should come as no surprise that it's BlackBerry Messenger! And the icing on the cake? IT'S FREE from one BB to another! And since MMS doesn't work in Lebanon (among a trillion other things) the fact that we can also send pics to each other is also very cool.

But as with all delightful inventions, BB also has a dark side. I'm still trying to get the knack of the whole BB etiquette thing, and I've made one major blunder so far (and it's only been a week!). I was out with Mr US, MadGlam, Mr B and co. when Mr. Borrring showed up. I was so excited about my new toy that when he asked about Miss HotStuff, I decided to whip out a ... well, let's just say not very flattering photo she BBMed me when she was under the weather and bored. It was supposed to remain between us (get your minds out of the gutter, nothing naughty!) but I, being completely clueless, showed it to Mr. Borrring. BIG MISTAKE! I thought it was funny, but to Miss HotStuff, showing it to Mr. Borrring was a huge breach of BB etiquette.

Mr. Borrring did not make things any better by immediately BBMing Miss HotStuff and telling her that he saw her photo and it was nasty! THANKS MR. BORRRRING! Her rage was swift and merciless. I had already left Mr. Borrring and was on my way to another venue when I heard the delightful 'ping' that let's me know I have a BBM. 'Yes,' I said, 'somebody loves me!' HAH! Let me tell you, I got anythng but love. What ensued was a rant about how  thoughtless and terrible I was to have shown that picture! Miss HotStuff was livid with anger, which she surprisingly expressed pretty well considering the limited capacity of BBM.

Needless to say, I felt like crap. My new shiny toy had turned into an instrument of guilt and shame. Why oh why had I done that?? I was feeling down, my excitement over my new BB subdued by my bad BB behavior. But just as I began regretting my purchase, I heard it ... 'ping'. My eyes lit up, my excitement began to stir again. I picked up my phone, clicked and my joy returned. 'Yes! Somebody does loves me!'