Tales from the Ladies, Part II: El Cheapo Grande

Welcome dear readers to part II of our eye-opening series on the world of dating with this tale of shocking cheapness. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds was recently horrified to find herself on a date with El Cheapo Grande, who was so stingy, he made Scrooge seem generous. Wonder how she managed to navigate herself through the treacherous waters of this scandalous adventure? Do read on ...

Dear Anissa,

I was asked out on a second date by this guy last week, who we’ll just call El Cheapo Grande. The fact that ECG said, “I wanna go somewhere cheap and casual,” should be an indication of why the name is perfect for this creep! Plus, it should have alerted me to his soon-to-be discovered lack of manners, but being the open-minded lady I am, I decided to go just the same. Upon arriving at the agreed upon venue, not only did he not stand to greet me, but he also seemed generally unexcited to see me. I was looking pretty hot, if I do say so myself, so a simple “you look nice” would have made up for the fact that he didn’t stand to say hello. Whatever! I’m pretty laid back so I continued to be polite. The conversation was okay, and I was telling myself that maybe ECG is not so horrible after all.

HOWEVER, at the end of the date, we were in a debate about the subject of living together before marriage – he is in favor and I am not. Anyway, during this back and forth the bill came, and instead of snatching it up like a gentleman, it just sat there in front of us both. VERY AWKWARD. I, by no means, need a man to pay for my meal, however, if I’m asked out on a date and it’s his invitation, etiquette says that it is his responsibility to pay. Either way, I wasn’t going to assume that he was going to pick up the bill, so when he finally reached for it, I of course offered to pay. (By the way, I got a salad that was $12 and had tap water as a beverage, so my bill probably equaled a total of $15, including tip.) Anyway, once I offered, he studied the bill, and then said, “Uhm, you could throw in a $20 if you like.” And then conversation went a little something like this:

ME [in my head]: WHAT AN EFFING CHEAPO!
ME [out loud, big smile on my face]: “No problem.”
ECG: “No wait, why don’t you just grab the next one.”
ME: “No that’s quite alright, I will pay for myself,”
ECG: “No really, I got it, not a big deal.”
ME: “No really, I insist on paying my share.”
ECG: “Why? Are we not going out again?”
ME [in my head]: YOU THINK?!? HELL NO, YOU CHEAP BASTARD! If you don’t think I’m worthy of a freaking $15 salad then you aren’t worth an iota of my time!
ME [out loud, exaggerated politeness]: No, it’s not that at all [yeah right!], I just don’t like to owe anyone anything.

ECG still refused my money, but at that point, it was way too late. Whatever interest I had was out the door. What a HUGE turn off that he had zero manners and was about as charming as an ape. Too bad, because he was actually good looking. But, hey, that’s what we call a Monet: good from far, but far from good! Nexxxttttttt!!

Sounds delightful ... NOT!! Let's hope our poor Lucy has better luck next time with a guy who at leasts thinks her company worth more than a salad and water! In our next Tales from the Ladies installment, Pixie Minxie dishes about her tantalizing travails with the opposite sex. Ooooh, sounds delicious!
 
Until then, you know you love me, XOXO, Blogger Girl!

Tales from the Ladies, Part I: Mr He's Just So Into Himself

The other night I was having drinks with MadGlam and Blonde Bombshell and we were discussing - what else - the male species. BB said that she really enjoyed my blog entry about Mr. He's Just Not That Into You, and asked if she could write in about her disasterous dates with his could-be cousin, Mr. He's Just So Into Himself. I thought it was a great idea and started thinking about the experiences of other Lebanese babes with similar stories to tell, which is why I decided to run this series, Tales from the Ladies! So, without further ado, here is Part I, straight from the horse's mouth:

Dear Anissa,

I really liked your blog entry about Mr He’s Just Not That Into You and I was wondering if we could exchange notes, because I went out with Mr He's Just So Into Himself and thought I’d share with you what it was like to date him!

I’m sure we’ve all heard about Narcissus, the guy who was so into himself that he actually fell in love with his own reflection. Well guess what? He’s not just a story, but lives among us, and I actually dated him! Let me start with my first outing with Mr HJSIH, which I would qualify as ‘educational,’ to say the least. I got to learn all about his measurements: jean size, tee-shirt size, etc. It was actually hard not to memorize such important information, since he kept reminding me how in shape he was and what weights he lifts at the gym everyday – with a private trainer, of course.

Although he is well over 40, Mr HJSIH is like the teenage boy I never had. He has the same preoccupations, maybe the same raging hormones and, just like a regular teen nowadays, he also has ADD (or like Carrie Bradshaw puts it, Another Disastrous Date). It made it impossible to have a conversation with him and difficult to make eye contact, because he was always checking out the crowd around him. I was, however, able to hear the details of how he got to select his ‘premium’ phone number, and how he has already started working on his tan. Phew, thank God for that.

On the second date - yes I did go on a second date with him, maybe because I wanted to discover if there was anything behind this façade, or maybe because I kind of liked the measurements (don't judge me!) - he told me about his deepest darkest worries: the opening dates of La Plage and Sky Bar have been pushed back!! How could they do this to him? Especially considering that he already bought the sunglasses he will wear at the beach while sipping his margaritas and the swimming trunks he’ll parade around in to show off his biceps and abs.

All this opened my eyes to the shortcomings of my own existence: how the hell could I forget about classic Lebanese summer rituals? Why am I not thinking about tanning and getting in shape! And, most disastrously, how could I possibly still be wearing last year’s sunglasses!! SHAME ON ME! Ahhhhhhhhhhh, my life is obviously sooo not worth living, Anissa. At least Mr He's Just Not That Into You complimented you – he actually liked someone other than himself and his date. Mr He's Just So Into Himself only compliments, well, himself!

When my friends joined us, he barely took his eyes off his BlackBerry, so they told me that maybe they didn’t interest him because they didn’t show up with smelly cigars and a million dollar Rolex. How shocking that I have non-Rolex wearing friends! Note to self: make friends with plastics who make Paris Hilton seem down-to-earth.

Anyways, Lebanese society is all about the looks, the muscles and the tans. Summer is the ultimate season for partying, working out and meeting a lot of shallow people. It made me realize that if Lebanese women are superficial it is because men WANT them to be like this ... and also because they are not much deeper themselves.

Hmmm, well it sounds like other people out there have been on dates almost as bad my blind-date-alogues! Any more of you out there?? Oooh, do tell!! In the mean time, get ready for Part II, when Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds dishes all about her uber fun time with El Cheapo Grande. Yikes! Sounds like another match NOT made heaven!

Until then, you know you love me, XOXO, Blogger Girl!