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Monday, April 4, 2011

Sealing the Deal Part II

After much ado ... the second part of the 'Seal the Deal' series has finally arrived. Why the delay, you may be asking (if you weren't asking, then skip ahead to the next paragraph)? Well, I was on a self-imposed writer's strike. I was holding out until my demands (to myself) were met. Negotiations (with myself) were tough and extremely stressful. Finally we (me, myself and I) reached a compromise and now I'm back to work.

Now, back to the blog subject at hand. As promised, I spoke to Typical Single Lebanese Guy and he gave me the scoop on how picking up chicks is done a la Libanaise. First, let me describe TSLG. He is successful, above 35, with his own love pad and in general a nice guy. I'm not a shrink, but he does not strike me as someone who is particularly egotistical or full of himself, and does not try to over-compensate any insecurities by talking about how much money he has or the people he knows. (Hmmm, on second thought, maybe he's not a typical Lebanese guy ... anyway, I digress.)

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This is not some parody on Lebanese men, or a slam in any way. TSLG exists and he is a friend of mine, who has given me permission to write this up. Also, the description of the ladies below are according to TSLG's view point and are not my opinion necessarily. And just to reiterate that this is not a diss, let the record show that I love Lebanese men!

Okay, now when TSLG is out on the prowl, no fins come out - he is way more chill about getting his prey. He is a predator that operates under the radar - very effective indeed. His weapon of choice? Ignoring. Apparently, this little trick really works, as girls (or the ones swimming in TSLG's pool) are only too eager to please when they think that an unattached dude is not paying them enough attention.

In fact, so effective are TSLG's tools of seduction that he has generously agreed to share with you all his 8 Simple Rules to Sealing the Deal. This is obviously beneficial to a) guys who are new to Lebanon and are clueless as to how to land a Beiruti babe, or even guys who are just plain clueless and b) Lebanese women who want to know why the guy at the bar, who seemed so into you, never asked for your number!

So here is a page right out of TSLG's playbook:
Step 1: Go in bar and mark the hot girls. Make sure you sit within talking distance, preferably at the bar.
2: Ignore the girl - i.e. don't look at her or make any eye contact - for at least half an hour to 45 mins. Apparently, chicks are less discriminate when it comes to looks and are more interested in a guy's approach than his physical similarity to Robert Pattinson.
3: After ignoring period, casually strike up a conversation. Do not answer any questions about your job because girls are always looking for a reason to discredit you, so don't give them the opportunity.
4:  When you or she is about to leave, just say it was nice meeting you and don't ask for her number.
5: After a few days, look her up on Facebook and send her a message saying it was nice meeting her the other night. Say something funny, like 'don't worry, I'm not going to stalk you or add you as a friend.' The girl usually responds and adds you as a friend first.
6. After sending a few messages back and forth, casually mention that you should meet up for drinks. If she agrees, she will send you her number.
7: While out with her, always pick up the tab and never make the moves on her. A typical Lebanese chick wants to prove that she's a good girl and making the moves will give her the opportunity to reject you. You should avoid rejection at all costs.
8: After a few 'platonic' dates, ask some friends to meet you and introduce the chick as a friend who is like your 'little sister'. This will infuriate her. She will try to prove that you are attracted to her and the next time you're alone - boom! - she will be all over you.

And that, my friends, is how it's done!