No Sh** Sherlock

It recently came to my attention that someone has created a new car bomb app specifically for Lebanon. It is sad to say, but when I first learned of it, I was like, that's such a good idea! I know, in other parts of the world they get excited about new iPhones, Google glasses, etc, but around here, car bomb apps are the bomb, no pun intended (okay, yes, intended!). And this coming on the heels of our very own Electricity Cuts app, which lets us oh-so-very-advanced and civilized (we like to think) Lebanese know when our power is going to be shut off and for how long. Impressed with our inventiveness yet? No? How shocking.

Anyway, since this car bomb app came to be, I really wanted to download it, but someone cautioned me against it - 'You really want to download something that came from the army?' Good point. But as many living here have been going through as of late, nearly every car we encounter is a suspect. Just the other day, I parked my car in the underground parking of my gym and there was a car with tinted windows in the spot next to mine. The engine was running and the license plate was from a Gulf country.

I immediately got suspicious. Why is the engine running? This was a dinky looking car and usually cars with Gulf license plates are on the fancy side. Hmmmm, I thought, I could really use that car bomb app right about now. I considered going to security and reporting the car, but then thought, what if it's just some sleazy couple too cheap to get a hotel room? If only Sherlock Holmes were here (the Benedict Cumberbatch one, not RDJ). He would just look at the car, examine the dust particles and the pressure of the tires and surmise that there was no bomb, just a couple of randy teenagers going at it.

It might seem blasé to joke about this, but I rushed to the elevator just in case. I then decided not to report the car because I would be too embarrassed if my other suspicion of cheapo sleaze bags was actually the case. Stupid reasoning, I know. Since when is it better to get blown up than embarrassed? But this really was my thought process as I got in the elevator and calculated how far I had to be to be clear of the maybe car bomb. Perhaps only in Lebanon do average citizens go about their daily life in this manner. Car bomb? Nahhh, couldn't be. But maybe? Nahhh, just go the gym and shut up.

I was lucky that day, but damn if I didn't wish we had a Sherlock app, so that we could make sure that suspicious cars weren't bombs in waiting. You'd press a button on your phone and - pouf! - Cumberbatch would show up and give you the 411 in seconds. And I'm not just saying that because I'd want Cumberbatch to show up at the click of a button. No, I'm a genuine concerned citizen and said app would be solely for the benefit of Lebanon. Completely. Entirely. I do not harbor any selfish intentions whatsoever.