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Thursday, January 27, 2011

We Doth Protest Too Much?

So, everybody knows that the past two weeks or so have not been the best in our beloved country, but this is not a political blog, and I will not be going there. Suffice it to say that because of the situation, I have not been going out and so, Mr HJNTIY, if you're reading this, you better stop now, because this entry is not going to have anything scandalous in it.

Now, because I have not been in the mood to go out, I have been watching a lot of movies the past 10 days. One such film was a supposed real story about alien abductions that I have refused to see for months, even though my brother has been eager to watch it since its release. I get laughed at a lot, but aliens scare the crap out of me. Hello, did you not see Independence Day? And even genius extraordinaire Stephen Hawking said that if aliens ever came to earth, they would not be the friendly ET type (yes, even he [it?] freaks me out). Also, how is it that all the alleged abductees have the exact same story? Even their descriptions of the aliens are the same. Coincidence? I think not.

My family still makes fun of the one summer years ago when were vacationing in our old family home in the mountains and I didn't sleep the whole time there because I was terrified that a UFO would land nearby. There was a huge empty lot right next to my bedroom window and it was the perfect spot to land their spaceship, I reasoned oh so rationally. There was also an army checkpoint in the street in front of the house, and when there were soldiers on night duty, I could sleep, because - I reasoned oh so rationally - if a UFO came by, their screams would alert me to their ominous arrival. If, however, they were not on duty, I would wait until daybreak before getting some shut eye.

I think it was my mother who asked me if I had the same fear in Beirut. 'No, of course not,' I said. 'In Beirut, there are too many buildings around so they can't land their ships,' I added, as if this should be totally obvious and logical. 'Oh riiiiiggghhhhttttt,' my mother replied in the tone shrinks use when they talk to people in the psycho ward.

So, anyway, when my brother wanted to watch this alien abduction movie, he tried to convince me - using physics - that it was impossible for aliens to come to earth. Something about needing to create a black hole, or wormhole, or whatever in order to travel fast enough to reach our planet. What the hell does he know? Like he understands alien technology??!!? I am completely unconvinced. I mean, they could have already invented that ability on the planet where all the Scientologists came from!

But, apparently, the laws of physics are the same across the universe, even in alien land. Whatever! Okay, it's not like I've seen one or anything - or have I? - but it's like the case of ghosts. Maybe you don't entirely, 100% believe in their existence, but you don't want to say it out loud just in case they do exist and then they show themselves to you to prove it. Well, I'm not going to take that risk, thank you very much. So, if you're out there aliens (and ghosts, while we're at it), I believe! I believe!

As for my sleepless nights, my fear was abating some thanks to my logic about UFOs needing space to land. That is until my brother pointed out that they can just hover above a buildling, they really don't need to bring the ship down. Yeah, thanks, bro!


  1. Mr B Mr B Mr B...we want Mr B and his big bald head and his wit and his humor and his incomparable savoir faire. Mr B is the one for ME!

  2. Oh, I'm not so sure he wants to be back - I have a lot of scandalous dirt on him!! Should I spill?

  3. If the aliens all looked like George Clooney, how would this alter your view on aliens?

  4. you need to update more, i love your posts, i dont live in Lebanon anymore so this reminds me of the crazy ass people in Lebanon and reminds me how much i love it.

  5. You're right - I do need to update more. I will try to do better in the future!!