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Thursday, December 24, 2009

New Year's WHATEVER!

So, New Year's Eve is coming up and now the question on everyone's lips is: 'Yiiiii, shoo a'mlee al ra'as al sinee?' New Year's parties have become such ridiculous displays of excess in Lebanon that it's a wonder why anyone would want to go through it all. Seriously, what is the point? I heard the other day that some hall or the other is selling tickets for $800 so people can sit in a VIP section up on a balcony overlooking the commoners on the ground floor who paid a mere $500 per ticket. I asked why anyone would pay so much more for a balcony and the response was, 'Because people think that having VIP stamped on a ticket is clah.' Well, if by 'clah' you mean R.E.T.A.R.D.E.D, then that would be absolutely correct! (FYI: In Lebanon, VIP may as well stand for Very Idiotic Pansy.) I would much rather use that money for a new pair of shoes than waste a gazillion dollars on a ticket to some crap party where the nasty ass meal might as well have food poisoning stamped on it and the alcohol is most probably supplied straight from the gas pump.

The last time I went to one of these NY's parties was a few years back. I paid about $180 (which by today's standards is a peasant fee equal to about 23 cents), so I could party with friends at an upscale locale downtown. So, I get there and I'm sitting on this table and everyone is like, 'party, yeah' and I'm thinking, what is the big deal? You can party any day of the week, what is soooo special about tonite? Nothing, except that instead of paying $10 for a drink, you're paying over $100. Okay, so then I was sitting there, designated driver because, call me crazy, but I wasn't in the mood to spend the next day in the company of the toilet bowl, and I'm trying to have fun. But, as is always the case with these over-inflated shingdigs, the food was gross and the music made my ears bleed. At midnight, I went around kissing everyone, and then spent the rest of the evening looking at my watch trying to decide what time I could gracefully make my exit without being labeled a loser. I decided 2am was good enough, but too studied and exact, so I waited another 20 mins and at 2.20am I was out the door.

After that exciting - not - evening, most other NY eves I've spent outside Beirut. But this year, here I am back again, and while everyone else is scrambling for tickets to this dumbass party or that one, I've made my own 'exclusive' plans. Ticket cost: about $5 (for DVD rentals); Menu: anything not involving an IV drip is a step up for me; Guests: two hot studs who have never let me down:

Toby (l) and Harry

So what if one has a weak bladder and the other is blind (and both have really bad breath), I'll still have better dates than most people, I'm sure! And come New Year's day, I'll probably be the only person around who's had a good night's sleep, non-puffy eyes, and ... a great ass pair of new shoes! Of course, all of you will be passed out and too hung over to notice. But that's okay - all I can say is: Happy New Year ... suckerrrs!


  1. not only you are a very beautiful young lady but you are wise beyond your years. How many young people see things as clearly as you . very few I am sure.I wish you a very happy healthy and enjoyable new year's eve. May I join you ??????

  2. Hey, that really made me laugh. You are absolutely right. I hear ya!I plan to do the same thing. I hope you have a healthy and happy Newyear.

  3. I enjoyed that!!
    You know what, in Kurdistan and I have bought my party tickets almost ten days before New Year. Now I want a refund thanks to you!!

    Happy New Year Anissa, wish you all the best write us a blog sooooon about 2010 ;)
    It is always a pleasure to read!

  4. I'd spend $800 to watch you the whole night, and then I'd take you shoe shopping the next morning after I fixed you breakfast!! - George Clooney

  5. What’s so nice about reading your blogs is that you’re unpredictable …you’d never expect a young Lebanese “famous” lady like you to talk about the topics you’re discussing… I love got me so excited that I created my own blog ;)
    I’m spending NY's at home with a group of friends, you’re more than welcomed to join us…but I have to say George Clooney's offer is NOT BAD AT ALL :)))

  6. Thank you all!! Wishing you all a very Happy New Year - especially you, George ;) !!

  7. Very eloquently expressed!
    That's why this year I decided to ditch beirut for new years! Thanks for putting into words what I've been trying to explain to everyone!

    Have a happy & healthy 2010 and enjoy the company of your oh-so-adorable dates!

  8. Thank you, Nada!! Hope you have a great New Year as well :)

  9. Hysterical as always!!! I too plan to spend the New Years at home with a few friends and my adorable dog, and a bottle of champagne that cost less than $10 and my Wiiiiiiiiiiii.....Plan on waking up refreshed - not hung over and ready to take on 2010 with more money in my pocket, hair that smells like shampoo (not smoke) and no hang over :)

    Love your BLOG!!!! Happy New Year!

  10. Happy New Year Anissa...

    This post is awesome , you are a really good writer..

    Ammouret Lebnen

  11. Thx so much!! So glad you enjoyed it :) And a very Happy New Year to you also!

  12. You're so funny! I actually went to one of these over priced parties. I paid 250$ for like, 6 canapes that tasted like dog-food. Other than that, the crowd was great, music was NOT house thank GOD and the service was good :) So overall, I had a great new years but I do envy that you looked so pretty and fresh this morning while I literally crawled unwillingly out of bed with my mascara smudged even though I washed the night before. ... My hair smelt like smoke all day and I was soooo sleepy--- and ps - I'm sooo borrowing any new shoes you buy !! :P