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Thursday, January 14, 2010

Guys and Facebook

So, I was having dinner with a friend the other night and he admitted something to me that I found a little surprising: when I added him on Facebook, he totally got the wrong idea. According to him, the main indicator was the fact that I had only met him once before adding him, and he was thinking, 'Why is this chick adding me, I only met her once.' Fair enough assumption, even though not entirely accurate. You see, when we met, he said he was a fan of my book, and any fan of my book (shameless plug for Miss Guided - buy a copy today!) is a super addition to my friend list, whether male or female. But that got me thinking ... do all guys think that a girl is into them if added as a friend first??

Well, to help you out a little - and thanks to the insight I got from my pal at dinner - I thought I'd give some hints on how to know if a girl is really into you, or whether she is just adding you because she thought you were a nice guy (and was a fan of her book ;) ). This only applies to people who've met in person before connecting on Facebook. Total strangers who add you probably do think that you're a yummy stud muffin.

Okay, first of all, not all women think of Facebook as a platform for finding dates - I certainly don't at least and I know a lot of people who think the same. Of course, you come across many people who use Facebook as a matchmaking site, but do not assume that every person has the same mindset. So without further ado ...

Rule number one: If you've actually met the girl, even if it's only once, and she's not a total floozy who's coming on to you, then in all likelihood she added you because she thought you were cool and wanted to remain in contact, and not for any other reason.

Rule number two: If after she's added you she hasn't initiated any attempt to engage in some sort of contact with you (e.g. sending you a message, starting a chat, commenting on your status, etc), again, she's probably only interested in friendship. If she responds to contact initiated by you, then she is just being polite and does not necessarily want to jump your bones. (There is an exception to this rule, however, if - and only if - rule number one doesn't apply. If when you meet her you get a really strong vibe that she's into you, and then she adds you but makes no move after that, she is most likely waiting for you to initiate contact, since she's the one who made the first move by adding you. She's looking for a sign that you were into her too.)

Rule number three: If you're not really sure what this chick is thinking, and so you decide to do some harmless flirting via a message or chat and she responds in a completely neutral, non-flirty tone, then she is most probably not into you. Be careful not to misinterpret friendly for flirty - there is a BIG difference!

Rule number four: Take a look at her pictures to get an idea of what kind of girl she is. If she's not posting wild party pics, then it's not likely that she uses Facebook to pickup men. (If you can't see her pics and you're on her Limited list, then she most definitely is not into you at all!!)

Now, what if a girl is totally wanting to date you - what signs do you look for then?? Hmmmm ... well I can't reveal all my secrets, now can I?? As for the rules above, that's all I can think of for now, but if I've missed anything and anyone has any other insights they'd like to share, feel free to do so in the comments section below!!

Happy Facebooking all :)


  1. Good stuff. I think the "What signs should you look for" if she DOES want to date you would be highly interesting. Not information that I'd use myself, of course (ahem).

  2. i just discovered your blog today & kept reading & reading... i like it :) u say things that us girls wouldn't say it better.... thank you & please do keep it up...
    & about the "she's not that into you", i think it would be a great book idea, don't you????
    since already some guy wrote the other one (he's just not into you" lol....

  3. I want you to want me to be your friend: !! -George Clooeny

  4. Shaheen - that would be an interesting topic for another blog entry.

    Therese - thank you so much!

    George - I thought we were already friends ;)!

  5. Sazan, for some reason, I couldn't publish your comment (sorry about that and thanks for your kind words!) so here it is:

    Sazan said ...
    Once again you hit the nail and I am going to put this as my status in facebook today...

    keep it up...

  6. You can't blame a guy for trying though :P

  7. Nice Article Annous; I really enjoyed it....
    I'm just thankful that when I met Hala in September 2003, there was no facebook at that time: Both of us could have fallen into wrong interpretations.
    Keep it up cuz...

  8. Nope, you can't blame a guy for trying ;)

    Mazoun, thanx cuz, I'm glad you enjoyed reading it :)